he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
