i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
