I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
