i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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