I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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