he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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