dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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