4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
