DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
