I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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