he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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