she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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