in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
