he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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