Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
