he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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