Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
