Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
