that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
