dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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