if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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