then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
