thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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