whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think my moral compass just broke
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
