i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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