she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
