I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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