i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
