dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do vagina's smell?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
