so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
