even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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