please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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