Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
