I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize