so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
