well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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