we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
