it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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