So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
