Where is the hickey?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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