You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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