You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
