I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
