I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
