FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
