we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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