I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
