that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got her a Nickelback box set.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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