I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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