Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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