she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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