Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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