My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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