I wish my penis had an off switch
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
