my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
