I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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