I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
