party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
