I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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