Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
