She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
