the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
