I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
