The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
