me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why do cheetos always look like penises
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
