just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
