She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
