Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
