the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
