Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
