Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
