Buhtt sex?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
