Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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