1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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