You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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