I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
