Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
