I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
